Randall,
Oh, how I miss you. My heart just aches, and I feel so numb. I have always tried to believe there is a purpose for why sad things happen in life and that something good will happen from those things. Before you came into my life, I was having trouble seeing the good. Now I do. We were meant to be.
God gave us each other, Randall, and we were happy. So much of this reminds me of some of the lines from the movie, “Field of Dreams”. “Ease his pain”. “No, it was you, Ray.” It was you, Randall.. You brought such joy to my life. And I am eternally grateful that I was the one to ease your pain. What a privilege it was to share in the happiness of the last few years of your life.
I have been jotting down bits and pieces of writing for a while. Now, I hope I can finally pull it all together. I want what I write to be a great tribute to the man you were and also tell you how much you meant to me. The best way I know of doing this is through the words of the songs we sang to one another. There were so many! So here goes. Cindy
P.S. I love you!
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Randall,
Have I told you lately that I love you? I will never forget the cold snowy night you called and played this song for me. Wow! I never dreamed I’d fall for someone again so easily. I couldn’t believe what you had done to me. You were so special and different from anyone I had ever known. I had the time of my life.
You really did have me from hello, Randall, and I will never forget how it felt when you reached out, caught my hand, and said that word. For me, it really was over from the start. You completely captured my heart. I was head over heels for you.
I truly thought you could rope the moon. You were “it” for me, and I know I am never going to feel like this again. You’re right, there is no getting over you, and I really, really do miss you, now that you’re gone.
You were such a wonderful gift in my life, Randall. You may have been a real, bad boy, but you were a real good man!! I loved you as you were, and never once thought of trying to change you. Why should I? You made me feel ten feet tall.
You gave me a reason to believe again, sugar pie. We had so much in common that it was, like you said, “scary”. We really were suited perfectly—me and you. We were both hard workers and had each found someone who enjoyed the same things. Music, sports, westerns, and old sitcoms just to name a few. Seriously, what man likes to shop at Meijer?! We probably could have pitched tents at Lowes and Mennards!!! Ha!
What we really enjoyed the most was being around the people we love: family and friends. We shared so many special talks about them. You had so many friends that I had trouble keeping everyone straight for a while! I loved your philosophy about “if friends help you, you need to help them back”. Sometimes they would ask for your help and sometimes they didn’t. You used to say, “All I can do is offer”. It was nice, after working for over 30 years and your factory shutting down, that you had time the last year to help some of them. I am sure they have great memories of those last months together. I hope when they hear “Find Out Who Your Friends Are”, they will remember you. You enjoyed singing it so much!
Family. “Family is everything” we always said. You were so proud of your sons. I think of all the conversations we had about them and how your voice swelled with pride at the mention of their names. Brandon and Benji have grown up to be fine young men. And I know Caden will, too. You spoke so often of how much Brandon was just like you. And how he could do a little of everything because of all the things you taught him. “Lessons in Life” you called them. Some people may not know that both of your sons lived on either side of you. You used to get the greatest kick out of Benji calling you every time you left the driveway, sometimes before you got down it! Your phone would ring, and we would both laugh and say “Benji”! And Benji would always say, “Where ya going?” I know how special this made you feel. It makes me so sad that Caden has lost you. He is so young. I hope he is always able to remember all the good times he had with you. Your three boys meant the world to you, just like my three do to me.
Some of the talks I enjoyed the most were stories of back where you came from. They were very familiar to me. The hills of Kentucky. I remember the amazement on your face when I told you that my family still owns a farm there, and it’s where I spent all my summers growing up. I will miss the talks we had about your family and the good people from the south and how they were the heart and soul of who we were today. We were both proud of where we came from. It makes me very sad that we won’t get the chance to visit there together like we wanted.
These past two years we were inseparable. We both wanted so much to know what love is, but inside we had both built walls around our hearts. You and I were so afraid to trust. It was hard to believe what we had was real and could last. But after a few months of being shocked at how well we got along and seeing the word “believe” everywhere we looked, we started to do just that. Believe. I will never forget all the times you said I was special and that you had been waiting for a girl like me. You made me feel special, and I wanted to make you feel the same.
Even though you may not have wanted to admit it, Randall, you knew you needed the love of a woman. I will treasure all the times you told me you loved me. I know those words didn’t come easy for you, but I know you did. You showed me in many different ways the last two years. So, like the Black Hawk song you played for me over the phone, there you have it! I’ve blown your cover!! Ha!
As I look back, I realize you may have been getting me ready for this with the songs you were singing. Still, it ain’t easy to ever say goodbye. You will live in my heart forever and you will always, always be my “troubadour”. How I laughed when you asked me what the heck that was!!! That song is so you!
Now that you have gotten where you’re going, I know there are only happy tears. You did believe there was a God, Randall. I know this from the many talks we had and from the beautiful way you sang the Brooks and Dunn song. When I told you “the words written in red” were Jesus’ words in the Bible, I could tell the song took on new meaning for you.
Please know that you were somebody, Randall. The choices that you made, made you who you were. They also brought you in contact with many wonderful people who cared very dearly for you. Just look at all those who came to say their final farewell.
So go rest high on that mountain, my love. You are home, and you are free. Free as you’ll ever be! Jumping out of cottonwood trees and chasing honeybees. I love you, baby. So much. And am so thankful I never missed the dance.
Cindy
P.S. I will always, always love you!!!
Our songs:
1. Have I Told You Lately—Rod Stewart
2. Look What You’ve Done to Me—Boz Scaggs
3. Hello—Kenny Chesney
4. Rope the Moon—John Michael Montgomery
5. Never Gonna Feel Like This Again—
Kenny Chesney
6. There’s No Getting’ Over Me—Ronnie Milsap
7. Miss Me When I’m Gone—Brooks and Dunn
8. Real Good Man—Tim McGraw
9. Couldn’t Change Me—Montgomery Gentry
10. Reason To Believe—Rod Stewart
11. Sugar Pie Honey Bunn—The Temptations
12. Me and You—Kenny Chesney
13. Find Out Who Your Friends Are—Tracey
Lawrence
14. Back Where I Come From—Kenny Chesney
15. I Want To Know What Love Is—Foreigner
16. I Been Waiting For a Girl Like You—
Foreigner
17. Love Of A Woman—Travis Tritt
18. There You Have It—Black Hawk
19. It’s Never Easy To Say Goodbye—Kenny
Chesney
20. Troubadour—George Strait
21. When I Get Where I’m Going—Brad Paisley
22. I Believe—Brooks and Dunn
23. I’m Gonna Be Somebody—Travis Tritt
24. Choices—George Jones
25. Go Rest High On That Mountain—Vince Gill
26. Almost Home—Craig Morgan
27. Free—Zac Brown Band
28. The Dance—Garth Brooks
29. I Will Always Love You —Dolly Parton
